I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
