You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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