He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
COCAINE IS GR8
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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