so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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