Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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