last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
