don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
