You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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