fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
