If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
