I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
