Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
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