took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
