Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
