Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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