I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
