you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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