Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
