My hand turned me down
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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