So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
