My friends, they love my intelligence
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
