yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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