i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Randomize
