i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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