it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
