dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
