I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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