I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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