Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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