Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
