If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
