idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
