I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
