can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
