I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
