I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Jerry, you need to find god
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
