You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
