I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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