i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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