So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
