So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
