Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
