just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
