During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
can u get pink eye on your cock?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
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