I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
