his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
