i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
you had me at cake vodka
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Randomize
