i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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