Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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