Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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