drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
