You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
