I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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