This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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