There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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