So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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