Don't you send me to vm
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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