In the future we'll all be gay
I looked at my own cervix.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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