Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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