Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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