I just cut my nipple shaving
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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