sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
